Cars I Do Hate. Vol. 3

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 04/25/2017 at 10:00 • Filed to: Cars I Do Hate

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The reason I don’t hate many cars is because I feel that almost every car has a redeeming quality - some are terrible drivers cars but are hyper practical or interesting. Some are focused driving machines but are useless everywhere else, some have artistic merit, some are just long lived.

The Ion is a car.

Not only is is just “car” its an ugly car. with a hateful interior. The entire car is made from equal parts cheapness and laziness.

It was the worst that GM could do to a brand that was already focused on being cheap transportation.

Just soak it all in

It was a parts bin special from a time when the bins themselves were junk.

Its no fun to drive, they aren’t particularly reliable and they look terrible from every angle.

The first years had 3 transmission choices [a 5 speed manual, a 5 speed auto without overdrive, and a CVT] but they dropped 2 of them because they were terrible and replaced one with a standard, boring but semi reliable 4 speed auto.

You got the impression that it was a car by title only, and that it hated going to work everyday as a car.

A friend of mine had one that he was constantly working on, even though he bought it new and it had low miles (alternator, CV, vacuum lines, etc)

Saturn, the brand, wasn’t supposed be associated with the planet, it was meant to be associated with the rocket program and its logo a symbol of apogee. If thats the case, the Ion was a test of the launch abort system...and even that failed.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:02

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i hate anything with center mount gauges

Sweet Trav > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:04

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with the 2.2 Ecotec and a manual they weren’t bad. I also like the Redline with the supercharged LSJ and 5 speed.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:05

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Everything you say is true. The worst part is that the Ion was supposed to be and had to be good to save Saturn and it wasn’t. I distinctly remember the C&D review when it came out calling it “the most disappointing new American car in a decade.”

HammerheadFistpunch > Sweet Trav 04/25/2017 at 10:06

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As bad... As bad

pip bip - choose Corrour > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:06

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cars i hate? generally Toyota Camry like above pic, again generally in white, why? because they’re clogging up the right hand lane on freeways here in Oz.

pip bip - choose Corrour > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:07

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cars i hate? generally Toyota Camry like above pic, again generally in white, why? because they’re clogging up the right hand lane on freeways here in Oz.

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:09

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My wife had a “hateful” car, the 2003 L-series with the 2.2L. It was slow as balls, but in the 6 years (40k miles) we had it, we literally did nothing to it. Just oil and tires. It got her to work every day, never failed or leaked at all, and got 32-34mpg on the highway at a very loud 80mph. And the interior was far less interesting than the Ion. I don’t know...to me, the gold standard of car hatred is the contemporaneous early 2000s Malibu. But this wasn’t much better. The Ion was just trying to carry the torch of the older, more interesting version of Saturn, but it failed. And then Saturn desperately tried to become the American Opel, but it was too late.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > pip bip - choose Corrour 04/25/2017 at 10:11

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Not alone by any stretch. Happens everywhere.

Camry’s by and large tend to attract annoying drivers imo

HammerheadFistpunch > Ash78, voting early and often 04/25/2017 at 10:11

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You may have stumbled upon another car in my series just now

phenotyp > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:13

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My favorite review of the Ion, back when it was new, described the styling as “positively Yugoslavian.”

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:25

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The only reason I liked the Ion was because 5 or 6 year old me I got a few free ones at the Fort Lauderdale Auto Show back in 2003 or 2004. I still have them. They’re beat to hell and back, but they’re lying around here somewhere.

Stapleface > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:34

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Wow, that interior is awful. I can see why you have a hatred for this car. It looks like it was designed by Fisher Price.

Roundbadge > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:35

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My gf of many years went from a Chevette, to a Tempo, to a ‘97 Saturn SC2 in the years 1994-2002. She kept that Saturn until it was towed away in 2015. She loved the Saturn. I hated it.

At one point I think she had it in the shop for some depressing problem or other, and ended up with an Ion to drive. She loved it, and insisted that if we looked at a newish car we consider a Saturn Ion. I maintained that she, to date, had still not driven an actually good car.

We now have a ‘15 Accord EX. It is a good car. She understands now. Still, if Saturn was still around...I bet I’d be wasting time test driving and complaining about one.

spanfucker retire bitch > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:41

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That interior is one of the most mentally punishing interiors I’ve ever seen. I can’t even imagine having to commute every day in something that fucking awful.

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 10:55

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Yes, these are awful. GM had been making mostly garbage since the late 70s but it wasn’t until the mid 90s-00s that they truly achieved the peak of shitty Playskool plastic interiors.

HammerheadFistpunch > Roundbadge 04/25/2017 at 10:58

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Sweetheart I love you but you have terrible taste in cars. just terrible.

carcrasher88 > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 11:00

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My mom had one of these. Looked exactly as above, inside and out.

Got over 150,000 miles out of it with no mechanical issues at all. Was the 5-speed, 2003 in ION 1 trim.

Got involved in a couple incidents (minor fender bender with an old lady in an old Buick, Walmart cart pushed into the grille by a Cadillac, and lastly a deer running into the right front fender at night. That’s right, the car didn’t hit the deer, the deer hit the side of the car. Only shattered the fender and busted the headlight. No other damage.)

As much as people hate this car, I miss the one we had. Almost became my first car...and yet I still don’t have one yet. (I know, strange).

For some reason, this one ended up being one of the better ones, and for some reason, had near Honda reliability.

Ironically, it got traded in for a 2010 Civic LX coupe, which eventually got traded in for a 2016 HR-V LX.

fintail > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 11:09

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That Playskool steering wheel has always irked me.

WilliamsSW > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 11:17

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No mention of the rattles, vibration and overall harshness? To me, that’s perhaps the worst thing about these cars—

vicali > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 11:58

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Sweet, this is one of the fleet I do wheel changeovers on - Our friends who live across the street.. Her car has less than 60Km on it and it’s a 2001.. Her daughter was in an accident when someone pulled out infront of them and wiped out the whole front clip.. I was sure it would be totalled but they rebuilt it ‘because it was in such good condition’ said the service manager.. I made that out as; the parts were so cheap, it’s worthless, and we don’t want it back..

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > HammerheadFistpunch 04/25/2017 at 15:37

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The worst part about Saturns is that their headlights are mounted so close together and aimed so poorly that everyone looks like it is driving around with its brights on.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Ash78, voting early and often 04/27/2017 at 11:36

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I have to agree, the fifth-gen Malibu/Classic were quite possibly the worst cars in the most competitive segment that GM has produced in recent memory. In a strange twist, the 2004+ model year “Classic” models actually had the best engines - gutless 2.2L Ecotec engines that were quite reliable, but they still sold them with that bizarre “maintenance free” transmission that lacked any way to check it for fluid levels, replace the fluid, or otherwise. It was a sealed seemingly-disposable unit that I think they intended for you to simply replace every 100k miles. The rest of the car was even worse, with possibly the worst interior ever placed in a mid-sized car of the era, even counting old Kias.

Saturn was a sad story - GM created them, let them run free, they did good things and created a following, then the GM overlords and their beancounters crushed them under their thumbs for being obstinate children that built cars people actually wanted to buy.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 04/27/2017 at 11:37

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I put in a little additional info about them for you (above)...

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Sweet Trav 04/27/2017 at 11:38

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I actually like the 2.2L Ecotec.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 04/27/2017 at 11:41

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I think they somehow missed Motor Trend’s 1997 COTY. There’s no way this could actually be worse than that.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 04/27/2017 at 15:50

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I remember when the Malibu won that award and they put it all over billboards and I just thought WTF?

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 04/27/2017 at 15:54

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Also, the Dodge Stratus was on C&D’s 1997 10Best list so... short memory I guess.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 04/27/2017 at 17:01

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Clearly a very short memory. It also reminds me that there were years in the 90s when a lot of average cars got really terrible and 1997 might have been the peak.